“I Didn’t Know Who I Was Anymore”: Losing (and Rebuilding) Your Identity After Maternity Leave
Before I went on maternity leave, I knew who I was. I was confident in my role, in my rhythm, in how I showed up at work and in the world. I had a calendar, a commute, a clear sense of purpose.
And then I had a baby.
And suddenly, everything I thought I knew about myself felt... far away.
The shift no one prepares you for
There’s a lot of talk about preparing for maternity leave — your handover, your KIT days, your return date.
But no one really talks about the in-between.
The quiet, complicated space where the old you dissolves and the new you hasn’t quite landed.
I remember looking in the mirror and feeling like a blurry version of myself. Still me, but changed in ways I couldn’t fully name.
I missed work — not just the job, but the me I was at work. The one who knew what she was doing. The one who could drink hot tea and finish a sentence.
Identity doesn’t come back — it evolves
When I returned to work, I was expecting things to “click” back into place. Spoiler: they didn’t.
It wasn’t just that I was out of the loop. It was that I was different — more tired, more tender, more tuned in to things that didn’t use to matter, and less tolerant of things that used to.
I felt out of step, like I had to catch up — or worse, like I had to prove I was still the same ambitious, competent, high-performing person I’d been before.
But here’s what I’ve learned, and what I wish I could go back and tell myself:
You’re not supposed to be the same.
You’re becoming someone new — and that takes time.
Rebuilding from the inside out
For me, the journey back to identity wasn’t about snapping back into my old routines. It was about asking better questions:
What still matters to me?
What can I let go of?
Who am I becoming — and what do I want this next chapter to feel like?
That’s where I started to find my footing again — not by pretending nothing had changed, but by giving myself permission to change with it.
You are not alone
If you’re in this space right now — wondering where your spark went, feeling disconnected from the person you used to be — I want you to know this:
You’re not broken. You’re becoming.
And it’s okay if that process feels disorienting. It’s okay if you’re grieving your old self while still loving this new life. That’s not weakness. That’s transition.
This is why I started Nest & Next
Because I don’t want anyone else to feel like they have to go through this identity shift alone, in silence, or with a smile plastered on for their first day back.
I believe the return from maternity or paternity leave is one of the most important — and least supported — transitions in someone’s career. And with the right space, support, and reflection, it can be a moment of powerful growth.
You’re still you.
You’re just becoming a new version.
And that version? She’s still unfolding.
Let her.
If this resonates, and you’re navigating the messy middle of identity after parental leave, I see you. At Nest & Next, I offer coaching and resources designed to support exactly this transition. Let’s connect.